Alexander III of Macedon (20/21 July 356 – 10/11 June 323 BC), commonly known as Alexander the Great, was a king of Macedon, a state in the north eastern region of Greece, and by the age of thirty was the creator of one of the largest empires in ancient history, stretching from the Ionian sea to the Himalaya. He was undefeated in battle and is considered one of the most successful commanders of all time.
It’s a good thing that the mormons have got around to baptizing Alexander the Great. He was, after all, the third kingdom mentioned in Nebuchadnezzar’s dream in Daniel 2. It’s important, therefore that he be mormon, so that the stone cut without hands can build on his empire, and get on with the business of filling the whole earth.
Individual Ordinances
Baptism
Completed
17 April 1993
Salt Lake City Utah Temple
Confirmation
Completed
28 October 2008
Salt Lake City Utah Temple
Initiatory
Completed
19 December 2008
Mesa Arizona Temple
Endowment
Completed
1 September 1993
Salt Lake City Utah Temple
Sealing to Parents
Completed
23 September 1993
Salt Lake City Utah Temple
Looks like he may have been a two-fer, what with the disparate and out-of-sequence dates for confirmation and initiatory. Glad to know he was important enough to do twice.
— mark · Apr 18, 10:42 AM · #
Maybe more than two, if you count alternate spellings. There are two alternate spellings that have hidden records.
— Nom de Cypher · Apr 20, 07:49 AM · #
Famous Dead Mormon: Joseph Smith, sex addict hiding in forest who ingested magic mushrooms, hallucinated Egyptian tablet, manufactured excuses to boff as many women as possible so his underpants could become magic.
— Micheal · Jun 21, 09:37 AM · #
My grandpa (lifelong mormon, temple going) was baptized three times after his death. I’m pretty sure they’re recycling names.
Grandpa was an avid family history guy, and I did so many baptisms using his researched names. I know I did the same person a few times with different spellings (just to be safe??) – because, apparently, the saving ordinance isn’t valid if there’s a typo. God’s like that.
— Chris · Jun 21, 03:24 PM · #
Alexander was Greek. He would have believed in the Greek pantheon as wikipedia clearly states, not part of your crazy little cult that didn’t even exist for a millennium after he died. Hell he predates Jesus himself, so he couldn’t have even been Christian.
But since we’re pulling the religious beliefs of dead people out of our asses:
Famous Atheists: Jesus Christ: he may have lived in a time when not believing in the popular God of the time would have you killed, but that doesn’t stop us from making wild claims about what he did or didn’t believe in!
You can’t baptize someone posthumously you morons, since even if an afterlife exists, they’re already there now.
— Shadow · Jun 21, 04:04 PM · #
This is stupid. You can’t make someone a mormon after they are already dead.
— Ed · Jun 21, 05:44 PM · #
Hilarious, I’m going to baptize some tyrannosaurus Rex bones. So it’ll be the first christian. That would really get creationists tongues waggin.
— Shane · Jun 21, 09:51 PM · #
@ Shadow
Mormons didn’t come onto the scene for 2 millennia after The Great Al died.
— shreddakj · Jun 22, 12:38 AM · #
I think my boy Alex would have enslaved the lot of them, and have his Macedonians teach them a thing or two about alternate sexual practices.
— The Pale Scot · Jun 22, 06:05 AM · #